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Organized: Jan 12th, 2009
Unless you’ve been living in a coffin for the past week, by now you are well aware of the University of Florida’s victory over Oklahoma for the BCS National Championship. A lot of people love (and hate) Tim Tebow right now, but it appears he isn’t finished kicking ass and taking names for God as he announced yesterday that he will be returning for his senior year instead of giving the NFL a whirl.
There have been some weird rumblings within the administrative bowels of the WWE this week. It looks like grown men in tights and funny boots aren’t immune to the credit crunch–just today the biggest name in wrestling announced they were cutting their staff by 10%. And although we’re not positive it’s directly related, it appears Linda McMahon has picked up a bit of side work moonlighting as an arbiter of our children’s futures. Somehow, someway the WWE CEO was appointed to the 11-member Board of Education in Stamford, Connecticut. Luckily, none of this has really affected the action inside the ring (apart from a few no-name wrestlers being canned), and last week Undertaker Tombstoned Shelton Benjamin to victory while Triple H was the winner of two Triple Jeopardy matches before succumbing to the considerable girth of Big Show.
[ Photo licensed under Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 2.0 License by minds-eye at http://flickr.com/photos/36703550@N00/2133330966 ]
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Organized: Jan 5th, 2009
We hope you’ve had a great new year thus far, at least better than Chilean soccer player Mauricio Pinilla and Inter Milan midfielder Luis Jimenez. The two duked it out in a nightclub last week, and some incredibly brilliant geniuses are guessing the fight started because Jiminez’s model wife Maria Jose Lopez allegedly had a tryst with Mauricio last year. From the looks of things she’s definitely worth a black eye or two.
In other new of the brutal, the Dallas Stars’ Zack Stortini and the Krys Barch of the Oilers went the distance over the weekend, pounding the shit out of each other on the ice for just over a minute. There’s really nothing else to say other than watch the video now.
You better start paying close attention to the impending onslaught of pigskin because the NFL playoffs are really heating up and things could get beautifully ugly. Philadelphia’s win over the Vikings might’ve been a belated holiday miracle, but people are too distracted to give a damn about stuff like that when superhuman madmen are scoring 71-yard touchdowns in the fourth quarter.
(2 votes) Loading ...Organized: Dec 29th, 2008
On Sunday the Jets were forced to pack it in for the year as Miami’s 24-17 victory advanced them to the playoffs and solidified their incredible mid-season turnaround. The only question that still lingers is if Bret Favre and his bum shoulder will retire from football to begin a new career as a cheesemaker in Wisconsin. We hope he does, and we also hope they make a reality show out of it.
In other news of the skull-cracking variety, WWE champion Jeff Hardy retained his title in a match against Big Show on last week’s WWE SmackDown. Is it just us or is Big Show really looking like a real tub of lard these days? Maybe it was too much country ham over the holidays?
UFC 92 was a night of highly anticipated fights that kind of ended with a whimper even though it resulted in two brand-spanking new champs. The biggest upset of the night was “Sugar” Rashad Evans’s victory over the seemingly invincible Forrest Griffin for the Light Heavyweight Championship belt.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Organized: Dec 8th, 2008
In case you don’t follow the happenings of grown men who pummel each other for money, a major upset occurred in the world of boxing on Saturday night. The Golden Boy, got his gilded ass handed to him by dark horse Manny Pacquiao. Despite having every conceivable advantage (height, weight, reach), De La Hoya was forced to throw in the towel during the eighth round because Pacman turned his eye into something that looked like an aggravated tumor with hemorrhoids. Sorry Oscar, you just don’t fuck with a man who’s willing to jump three weight divisions in eight months so he can put his fists on your face legally.
Last Friday’s WWE Steel Cage match between Undertaker and Big Show was as a nice appetizer of brutality for the De Lay Hoya/Pacquiao match. Undertaker walked away the winner after a drawn-out slam fest. And we’d be remiss not to mention the skull-cracking insanity of the football game between the Florida Gators and the University of Alabama. The Gators won and, despite that goofy BCS ranking system, they will now be facing Oklahoma for the national championship. Everyone knows that Tebow guy is good but did you see him during this game? Is he some sort of eugenics experiment? What a freak.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Organized: Dec 1st, 2008
The most interesting news in the NFL this week happened off the field when Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg at a Manhattan nightclub. Besides being extremely hilarious, the incident might rob the Giants of the receiver who caught the winning touchdown in last year’s Super Bowl. It didn’t stop them from whomping Washington on Sunday, but if things turn south at least they’ll have an excuse to blame it on.
In other news about athletes who did something unintentionally funny, that seven-foot ogre who used to wrestle as Kurrgan in the WWE knocked out Robert Downey, Jr. while filming the new Sherlock Holmes movie. The crew thinks it’s part of some stupid curse that’s plaguing the set. We think it’s God’s way of giving them a hint that it’s going to suck.
(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Organized: Nov 24th, 2008
The big news this week happened just last night when John Cena returned from herniated discville to defeat Chris Jericho at Survivor Series, defending his title as World Heavyweight Champion. Another heated Triple Threat battle earlier in the evening saw Edge edging out (the match was better than this pun, we swear) Triple H and Vladimir Kozlov for the WWE Championship.
In other face-pummeling developments, last Friday Panamanian powerhouse Celestino Caballero retained his WBA super featherweight title and gained the International Boxing Federation crown by beating the previously undefeated Steve Molitor in the fourth round. Last night the Argentine Hugo Hernan Garay defended his WBA light heavyweight title against the top boxer in the division, Juergen Braehme.
It was a big Sunday for NFL fans as Brett Favre led the Jets to yet another amazing win, putting a huge dent in the Tennessee Titan’s otherwise perfect record. There were a also couple other games that had asses glued to couches on Sunday: The Colts overtook the Chargers with a last-minute field goal, and the Redskins just barely fended off the Seahawks who failed to take advantage of a fumble with less than two minutes of play left.
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