The new year means new blood, but the final days of 2008 still had some lingering and chuckle-worthy surprises in store before the ball dropped. Do you remember Tiffany Shepherd, that teacher from Florida who was fired last year because she moonlighted on a charter boat? Well, Ms. Shepherd must’ve finally hit rock bottom last week as she threatened to fight her ex-boyfriend’s new, 22-year-old gal via text message and voice mail over the course of a month.
Old Man Christmas had one final tricky trick up his sleeve and, s*%thoused on egg nog, decided it would be funny to chuck a discarded Christmas tree into a Ford in New Hampshire. Strong winter gusts propelled the Yuletide missile into the car’s grill, and even the fuzz thought it was funny when the driver called them to report what happened. “The Christmas tree flew out and attacked him,” said the police department’s spokesperson.
We hope you’ve had a great new year thus far, at least better than Chilean soccer player Mauricio Pinilla and Inter Milan midfielder Luis Jimenez. The two duked it out in a nightclub last week, and some incredibly brilliant geniuses are guessing the fight started because Jiminez’s model wife Maria Jose Lopez allegedly had a tryst with Mauricio last year. From the looks of things she’s definitely worth a black eye or two.
In other new of the brutal, the Dallas Stars’ Zack Stortini and the Krys Barch of the Oilers went the distance over the weekend, pounding the shit out of each other on the ice for just over a minute. There’s really nothing else to say other than watch the video now.
You better start paying close attention to the impending onslaught of pigskin because the NFL playoffs are really heating up and things could get beautifully ugly. Philadelphia’s win over the Vikings might’ve been a belated holiday miracle, but people are too distracted to give a damn about stuff like that when superhuman madmen are scoring 71-yard touchdowns in the fourth quarter.
Waste-of-space Lindsay Lohan has her panties all in a bunch over her father saying he is “sickened” by what he read about Linday’s girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, in a recent In Touch Weekly expose. How is it possible that three people without any discernable talents are flourishing in this quagmire of an economy? We should give them to China as collateral.
Last week’s lead-up to Christmas wasn’t spared of violent cheer. Exhibit A is a guy in California who had to be quelled with a stun gun after biting off a chunk of his neighbor’s cheek. Then, a few days later, this lovely couple threw each other down the stairs after the 26-year-old hubby got miffed when his grandparents didn’t take his request for a $1,000 remote-controlled airplane seriously. Then his wife gifted him with a Nintendo Wii and all hell broke loose. Jolly times, indeed.